Holli Rausch

The trailer for our life in movie form - for 2009.

MilesRauschFamily.com

(Video will start automatically, crank up the volume.)

I’m only writing because it’s been a while. Not really because I have much to say. Unless you read this and see that it’s super long - then I guess I thought of something.

The holidays came and went fast. We spent the actual Christmas Eve/Day with the Rausch and Miles families. Christmas Day night, my family came up for our kinda-sorta-annual Christmas Day movie tradition. That weekend we spent Christmas with some of the Greggs and Leaders. Two of my high school friends got married that weekend at home, so that worked out convenient for us.

New Year’s Eve we spent in Hawarden again, playing board games with my family and my sister-in-law’s family. Played: Squares, Pop 5, Buzzword, Apples to Apples. It was fun to just hang out and focus on strategy and playing the games.

I’m almost done with what’s been published of the Twilight saga. My sister’s friend is letting me borrow her copies. While it’s not the most well-written piece of literature I’ve ever read, it is an enjoyable story and somewhat addicting. I feel like my HS-age sister and sister-in-law. I don’t go crazy when Twilight is mentioned, but I can see why they like them so much. I’m almost done with the last book and it’s much more maturely-written than the previous three. I even blush. I am considering seeing the movie, though I know it won’t be as good - might have to wait until the library gets it in for rental if I don’t go soon before it leaves the theaters.

In a couple weeks, Miles and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary. We’re going to spend the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday weekend at my grandparent’s timeshare in Okoboji. It’s something we’ve been planning since November, but now I feel like we need a weekend away even more. My family used to stay at this timeshare quite often in my pre-college days. Miles has not been there before and I think he’ll like it.

We’re well into the new year and I still haven’t written a check or anything that will force me to change my 08 habits. I don’t anticipate it being too difficult. So many things happened in 2008 (good *and* bad, but it’s easier to remember the bad) that I’m ready to move on.

I, in addition to Miles, wanted to thank everyone for their kind words and prayers. It’s been a tough couple of weeks but we’re doing our best - which admittedly sometimes doesn’t feel like enough. Staying busy and continued involvement in the things we love has helped us make our way back to our normal daily lives. It’s different, but that’s expected. We’re trying to look towards the future and prayerfully continue forward. Thank you for your support and love.

I expect this blog will return to what has become its normal postings of personal design work, design-related news, and the now occasional (formerly frequent) personal update when there’s something I want to share.

We had our ultrasound Friday morning and while my uterus was large and there was an egg sac -there was no baby.  I have an anembryonic pregnancy (or blighted ovum) and it basically means I’ve miscarried.

You can Google it if you want. Basically, we conceived but the embryo in the fertilized egg stopped growing at some point and was reabsorbed very early (possibly even before we knew we were pregnant).  It’s actually considered “common” and it is usually caused by several chromosomal abnormalities and the body knows it won’t produce a healthy baby in 9 months and naturally reabsorbs the tissue. It typically isn’t caught until between weeks 8 and 13 - we are in week 12.  And my body continues to think there’s an embryo there because there’s still the placental tissue that is requiring nutrients from my body and producing the pregnancy hormones - which is why all our tests come back positive and I still am experiencing the symptoms of pregnancy.  I never had any indication that something was wrong, and still don’t except for seeing my empty uterus during the ultrasound.  Eventually my body will go through the process of miscarriage.  But I also have the options to take medication to speed along the process, or undergo an invasive procedure.

One thing the doctor was very clear on is that anembryonic pregnancies happen by chance and that it does not make me at risk for miscarriages in future pregnancies or for it to happen again for any other reason than by chance.  So we feel thankful for a silver lining like that.  But it’s also hard to feel thankful.

Miles and I just came home and cried and prayed a lot. I don’t know if I’ll stop crying. Right now, it comes and goes and I’m glad it’s the weekend and don’t have any commitments. We feel very sad - the amount of my tears is not proportionate to the sadness I feel. And I want those tears to take some of the sadness away.

Though we won’t this summer, we hope to be blessed with children soon.

You can read Miles’s thoughts on his post, Godspeed, Our Sweet Angel on his blog.

I know words of comfort are sometimes hard to come up with. We just ask that you pray for all families - those who have experienced loss in any way and for those who haven’t yet. If you want to comment just to let us know you’re thinking of us, you don’t have to say anything. Or maybe you could post a Bible verse or something else that brings you comfort.

My father-in-law is up for re-election and wanted a logo boost and, seeing as we’re related and I’m a designer, I was perfect for the job and glad to do it. Above is actually what I put together for a yard sign - the actual logo is in that navy blue but I think this looks nice too. There’s another version that has “re-elect” and Val’s photo included, but of course, as a yard-sign, it wouldn’t have worked quite well. It’s saved for other pieces. I was honored to do the project and am proud of the results.