Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

A New Normal

I, in addition to Miles, wanted to thank everyone for their kind words and prayers. It’s been a tough couple of weeks but we’re doing our best – which admittedly sometimes doesn’t feel like enough. Staying busy and continued involvement in the things we love has helped us make our way back to our normal daily lives. It’s different, but that’s expected. We’re trying to look towards the future and prayerfully continue forward. Thank you for your support and love.

I expect this blog will return to what has become its normal postings of personal design work, design-related news, and the now occasional (formerly frequent) personal update when there’s something I want to share.

Empty Inside

We had our ultrasound Friday morning and while my uterus was large and there was an egg sac -there was no baby.  I have an anembryonic pregnancy (or blighted ovum) and it basically means I’ve miscarried.

You can Google it if you want. Basically, we conceived but the embryo in the fertilized egg stopped growing at some point and was reabsorbed very early (possibly even before we knew we were pregnant).  It’s actually considered “common” and it is usually caused by several chromosomal abnormalities and the body knows it won’t produce a healthy baby in 9 months and naturally reabsorbs the tissue. It typically isn’t caught until between weeks 8 and 13 – we are in week 12.  And my body continues to think there’s an embryo there because there’s still the placental tissue that is requiring nutrients from my body and producing the pregnancy hormones – which is why all our tests come back positive and I still am experiencing the symptoms of pregnancy.  I never had any indication that something was wrong, and still don’t except for seeing my empty uterus during the ultrasound.  Eventually my body will go through the process of miscarriage.  But I also have the options to take medication to speed along the process, or undergo an invasive procedure.

One thing the doctor was very clear on is that anembryonic pregnancies happen by chance and that it does not make me at risk for miscarriages in future pregnancies or for it to happen again for any other reason than by chance.  So we feel thankful for a silver lining like that.  But it’s also hard to feel thankful.

Miles and I just came home and cried and prayed a lot. I don’t know if I’ll stop crying. Right now, it comes and goes and I’m glad it’s the weekend and don’t have any commitments. We feel very sad – the amount of my tears is not proportionate to the sadness I feel. And I want those tears to take some of the sadness away.

Though we won’t this summer, we hope to be blessed with children soon.

You can read Miles’s thoughts on his post, Godspeed, Our Sweet Angel on his blog.

I know words of comfort are sometimes hard to come up with. We just ask that you pray for all families – those who have experienced loss in any way and for those who haven’t yet. If you want to comment just to let us know you’re thinking of us, you don’t have to say anything. Or maybe you could post a Bible verse or something else that brings you comfort.

Rausch for House

Rausch for House yard sign

My father-in-law is up for re-election and wanted a logo boost and, seeing as we’re related and I’m a designer, I was perfect for the job and glad to do it. Above is actually what I put together for a yard sign – the actual logo is in that navy blue but I think this looks nice too. There’s another version that has “re-elect” and Val’s photo included, but of course, as a yard-sign, it wouldn’t have worked quite well. It’s saved for other pieces. I was honored to do the project and am proud of the results.

Nunsense

Nunsense: the mega musical program

My dad is the theater director for my old High School and they are putting on Nunsense: The Mega Musical this year. I created the nun/Charlie’s Angels graphic (as per his request) and put together a poster, shirt, and program for him. Seen above is the program. Nothing flashy, and the nun graphic is a little “unfinished” looking on purpose – given the comical nature of the musical.

In any case, I’m excited to see the performance and it wasn’t so long ago that I played a nun in Murder Can Be Habit Forming in the same theater. Little did I know then, I’d be on the inside of the jokes about Catholicism not many years later. This time, hopefully I won’t be as confused.

Bye Bye, Sammy

It’s no big secret that I’ve never been much of an animal person. My brother and sister are animal lovers – or at least animal likers. Not me. As a small child, I was afraid of dogs (and must admit, dogs of unknown friendliness still scare me today). I don’t know if I became this way because there were big dogs in my neighborhood growing up, or because I grew up in town as opposed to on a farm surrounded by animals, or if it’s just the way I would be no matter where I grew up. In any case, when my older brother would peruse the classifieds for animals, he had a way of getting me excited about some of the finds he’d come across.

Sammy Sosa One Father’s Day, over fifteen years ago, I remember Adam found an ad for several purebred beagle puppies at a home about a half-hour away and the owner just happened to be a vet. After talking to mom and dad, and threatening that we’d be happy with a cat if we had to, the family (and our cousin Corissa) were on our way to check them out. When we got there, my sister Marissa (about 1 years old at the time) stayed in the vehicle with a very large box with blankets, etc. I stayed so I could watch her (but really it was because I was afraid of dogs). A while later, the family returned with a dog, whose name was “Boots”. He stood out from the rest of the puppies because he had untied my dad’s shoes.

And so, we had a puppy. On the way home, it was decided his current name was pretty lame. We changed it to “Sammy Sosa” but we’d call him “Sam” or “Sammy” most of the time. (There was no hiding it – the Greggs were Cubs fans.) He was a smart puppy, except for when he’d growl at his reflection in the dishwasher. We kept him in the kitchen, for several reasons. One of the entrances had a door, so that was always shut. The other had no door, but we laid a chair horizontally for a while, blocking his path to the carpeted living room. It was only a couple days before he figured out how to get through the legs and into the living room. Soon after, a baby gate replaced the chair. Eventually, Sam could be trusted to stay in the kitchen without the door shut or the gate.

He was apparently a hunting breed of some sort, (though, we have never been hunting and so didn’t use him for that) so he was always much taller than any other beagles we’ve met. Since Sam’s been our dog for over fifteen years (I had to think about it several times before finally deciding that had to be true – it just seems like such a long time) there have been a lot of memories. I won’t detail them all, but will just list some that come to mind.

  • He had intense strength and taking him on a walk was always him dragging you around and almost pulling your arm off
  • As a puppy, he found some baby rabbits in our yard – I’ll just repeat that he was a hunting breed and say that there were lots of tears
  • When he was small, mom would be petting him on her lap and he’d climb to her shoulder – she joked that he thought he was an eagle, not a beagle. He continued to attempt this as he got larger.
  • He was always too afraid of the stairs to go down in the basement unless there was a leash on him
  • After every train whistle you would hear a very loud, low howl coming from our dog. I could hear him from the school playground (4 blocks away) during noon recess several days a week
  • Dad had set up an extravagant outside cage area and garage cage area, equipped with a heat lamp, heated water bowl, and several variations of roofing. The outdoor cage had a complicated door system so we could let him in the cage with a leash, shut one door, take him off his leash, and shut the other door, then open the one door again. Eventually, he could be trusted without having to shut the first door
  • He used to need to be attached to a leash (which was attached to a high wire near the back entrance so he could restrictively roam) to go do his business. Eventually we could trust him to (almost always) stay in the area without a leash. Then about a year ago he darted off and happened to get hit by a police car. He hurt his leg, but bounced back pretty quickly I think.
  • Eventually he started associating going outside with getting a treat, as opposed to going to the bathroom and getting a treat – each one of us would let him out in the morning because he acted like he hadn’t been let out yet – he became a much heavier dog

The family got an email last night that Sam hadn’t been eating anything in the last week and yesterday he either wasn’t able to or wouldn’t get up from where he was laying. He had gone to the vet a few days ago and got a shot and medicine. The vet was gone yesterday and so he planned to stop by today if Sam made it through the night. Dad predicted he wouldn’t be able to make it 24 hours. We got an email this morning that he didn’t make it through the night and will be buried out at grandpa’s farm this afternoon after school. He didn’t howl or whimper, all I heard about his last day was that he sighed. Which he did a lot when he wasn’t sick.

The picture above was taken by my dad yesterday. It’s comforting to know that he doesn’t look in pain, although a little sad, and he actually *looks* a lot healthier than he has for a while. Even the cloudiness in his eyes, that had formed since I went to college, seems cleared. Notice the uneaten hot dog, which I assume has a pill in it, because that’s the only time he would get a piece of hot dog.

Bye bye Sammy. I’m sorry that I didn’t show you as much love as you deserved. You were a very good dog. I’m sure we’ll find your hair in our house for many years to come.