Archive for December 7th, 2008

Empty Inside

We had our ultrasound Friday morning and while my uterus was large and there was an egg sac -there was no baby.  I have an anembryonic pregnancy (or blighted ovum) and it basically means I’ve miscarried.

You can Google it if you want. Basically, we conceived but the embryo in the fertilized egg stopped growing at some point and was reabsorbed very early (possibly even before we knew we were pregnant).  It’s actually considered “common” and it is usually caused by several chromosomal abnormalities and the body knows it won’t produce a healthy baby in 9 months and naturally reabsorbs the tissue. It typically isn’t caught until between weeks 8 and 13 – we are in week 12.  And my body continues to think there’s an embryo there because there’s still the placental tissue that is requiring nutrients from my body and producing the pregnancy hormones – which is why all our tests come back positive and I still am experiencing the symptoms of pregnancy.  I never had any indication that something was wrong, and still don’t except for seeing my empty uterus during the ultrasound.  Eventually my body will go through the process of miscarriage.  But I also have the options to take medication to speed along the process, or undergo an invasive procedure.

One thing the doctor was very clear on is that anembryonic pregnancies happen by chance and that it does not make me at risk for miscarriages in future pregnancies or for it to happen again for any other reason than by chance.  So we feel thankful for a silver lining like that.  But it’s also hard to feel thankful.

Miles and I just came home and cried and prayed a lot. I don’t know if I’ll stop crying. Right now, it comes and goes and I’m glad it’s the weekend and don’t have any commitments. We feel very sad – the amount of my tears is not proportionate to the sadness I feel. And I want those tears to take some of the sadness away.

Though we won’t this summer, we hope to be blessed with children soon.

You can read Miles’s thoughts on his post, Godspeed, Our Sweet Angel on his blog.

I know words of comfort are sometimes hard to come up with. We just ask that you pray for all families – those who have experienced loss in any way and for those who haven’t yet. If you want to comment just to let us know you’re thinking of us, you don’t have to say anything. Or maybe you could post a Bible verse or something else that brings you comfort.